So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize