dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
