We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
