Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
