Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just puked most of my soul out..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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