She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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