dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
