I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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