He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize