It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
