We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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