just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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