Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
