this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
