i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
