My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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