It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
