she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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