even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
