Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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