if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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