everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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