I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize