sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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