My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize