jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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