then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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