Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
