i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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