Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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