so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
