I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize