I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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