remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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