there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
