Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
