look no pants
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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