you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
