dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
