i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
