Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
