Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
