dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
