Girls should come with a carfax report
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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