Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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