Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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