Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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