absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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