can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
