He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
