i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this is an emotional support booty call
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
