I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize