I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
