im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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