"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
