please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize