Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
