fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
