My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
