youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
