Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
