Porn is love you can see.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
