I seem to have left my pride at pride
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
