He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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