I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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