How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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