I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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