Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
