I hate your face
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
