who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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