I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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