ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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